Friday, October 26, 2012

My Life second entry

I am now on humera shots.They really started working after two or three months.The problem came in when we went on vacation.I tried to get
Joey to take the boys and
leave me, but he wouldn't.He
needed this vacation, and the
boys did too, but he said if I didn't go, nobody would go.
So I felt I had no choice, and
I thought since I was feeling
a little better I would be ok.
I should have known better.
I wasn't well enough for the long painful ride or the exhausting pace of outings daily.You must remember,I don't go out but once every
two or three months, nowhere.
I tried, but I only went once
to the beach, twice to the
pools during our week long
visit, out to eat probably
five times.That's alot for me!
Well, the big kicker was, before
I left I found out my dad was
sick,I didn't know he was in the hospital, but I had not seen my
family in three years after
an argument with my mom, but
me and dad have never had
problems, so I was devastated
to find out not only was he
sick, but in a coma after an
operation but in the next days I found out he died!
Here I am hundreds of miles away and one of the few
people on my side of the
family that I love has died.You know how I found
out? My cousin told me!
Not my mom or one of my two sisters, but my cousin!
Not even an aunt or uncle!
Sure I haven't seen them in
three years, but dad would
never have done that! Mom,
yeah,I can see her doing it
she is vengeful and mean,
but dad never would have
wanted me to find out this way.I never got to say
goodbye! This is too
painful.I can't see through
the tears to swype so I will pick up the story
later.This is coming from my phone so forgive
the errors, thanks.

Thursday, October 25, 2012

My Life Chapter One

I'm posting from my cell
phone. So please forgive
the errors, for my phone
does not like to blog,but she
will just have to get over
it, right!I have been
previously undecided as to
whether I would publish info
on my personal,I mean deeply
personal, life.I decided I
would, but only for me,for
I need to get these things
in my head,out. What I'm
about to begin publishing
on my blog is not meant to
hurt anyone, or get revenge
for the wrongs that have been
committed against me.I believe
there are two sides to every
story.I only wish to unburden
my heart, and maybe, help
someone else who is going
through the same thing, to
let you know, you are not
alone. it goes.

Today started out well.I woke
up in less pain than usual,
always a good way to start out.
Things had not been going so
well recently.The beginning of
the year was bad.Got worse in
July 2012.I guess I need to
give you a little info first.
I have diabetes, which slows
me down in and of itself, but
I also have rheumatoid arthritis
(RA) which really throws a
monkey wrench in the works.
The pain and disability from
RA affects everyone differently.
In my case things got bad
fast, but I was misdiagnosed
for years before my foot
doctor, yes, MY PODIATRIST,
figured it out! Talk about
a total fuck up! Yes,I was
pissed! See, the reason an
early diagnosis is important,
is because irreversible
damage it's being done to my
body the longer I'm without
treatment.The reason it was
missed is because I have what
is called seronegative RA.
Meaning certain indicators
in my blood don't show the
usual test results that shout
out you have RA.Many people
have the same thing happen
to them. The medication we
need is not given soon enough
to slow the progression of the
disease, so our own blood
cells eat away at us, destroying
us.Unfortunately, there is no
cure, only a delay with meds.
My job was very physically
demanding, but I loved it.
The more I pushed myself, the
worse the disease became, until
I couldn't take anymore.It was
quit working, or suicide.You
know what I chose.The pain
left me alone, crying in my
new rheumatologist's office
with swollen joints, and a
broken spirit. I was alone
when he told me the brutal
truth.He said I would never
be able to work again. Not
only that, but there was no
cure, and I would continue
to worsen, eventually I
would, quite possibly, be in
a wheelchair.Even with the
brutal honesty,I clung to the
hope that studies show
seronegative RA patients are
often less damaged than those
others, boy was I wrong.No
one knows why people are affected
differently, or why it strikes
at differing ages.Even the
Children are not spared.I
would not wish this on anyone!
My family varied in their
responses, many not understanding
the meaning of the diagnosis.
It affects the persons whole
body, but the medications to
slow the autoimmune disease
down, can be deadly.The doc
started out with low doses of
methotrexate, a proven old
med.He had to continue to
increase the dose to get the
swelling down combined with
joint injections, but my liver
couldn't take it, so we had to
lower the dose.This went on
for years with med adjustments.
If only I could take
Prednisone on a regular basis
I would be in better shape,
but it causes the bloodsugar
to go up dangerously high,
which is in itself a deadly
disease, incurable, damaging
organs on it's own rampage.
When things got so severe
I could hardly make it to
the bathroom,I would take a
tapering dose for a limited
time, it helped alot.During
these years I endured many
side effects,one of which was
more difficult than the others
was the fatigue due to the
diseases and meds.The horrid
pain came close to putting
the nail in my coffin, but the
fatigue isolated me from
everyone cementing the
emotional downfall.Please
don't feel sorry for me, this
is not why I'm doing this, it
is for emotional healing and
it is my hope, through my
self-imposed healing,I will
help someone else.I have
given so much info today I
think I will stop for now.But
I want to place a thank you
on the wind to whomever created
the microphone on the virtual
keyboard which combined with
the swipe technology in the
keyboard allows me to 'write'.


I am going nuts getting use to this blog thing.
Forgive me if I am sending half posts or typos.
My phone does not work well with this setup.
I couldn't remember if I told
You how great author Nicky
Charles is.You must read
The Mating, The Keeping, and
The Finding.Adults only though.
Still working on writing my own
novel, I'm on chapter three,
I know, pathetic, right?
Well I figure it will take me
at least a year or more.It's
not going to be a short story.
Not.At.All.I don't think I
could make it short, because
the story is writing itself
and it has started out great,
with alot of info to get out
there. The characters are
starting to fill out nicely.
I'm not being conceted, it's
that it has a life of it's
own.It's kindof hard to explain
how a story writes itself, but
mine has, strange ain't it.
It's about werewolves, but not
traditional at all.The story is
important to me, so I'm afraid
if I put it in my blog as I'm
working on it someone will take
it from me, so I'll just have
to wait until it's done before
I can put it out there.I'm not
sure if it will be free, but
it will be cheep if nothing
else.I hate out when an author
charges too much for an ebook.