Thursday, October 25, 2012

My Life Chapter One

I'm posting from my cell
phone. So please forgive
the errors, for my phone
does not like to blog,but she
will just have to get over
it, right!I have been
previously undecided as to
whether I would publish info
on my personal,I mean deeply
personal, life.I decided I
would, but only for me,for
I need to get these things
in my head,out. What I'm
about to begin publishing
on my blog is not meant to
hurt anyone, or get revenge
for the wrongs that have been
committed against me.I believe
there are two sides to every
story.I only wish to unburden
my heart, and maybe, help
someone else who is going
through the same thing, to
let you know, you are not
alone. it goes.

Today started out well.I woke
up in less pain than usual,
always a good way to start out.
Things had not been going so
well recently.The beginning of
the year was bad.Got worse in
July 2012.I guess I need to
give you a little info first.
I have diabetes, which slows
me down in and of itself, but
I also have rheumatoid arthritis
(RA) which really throws a
monkey wrench in the works.
The pain and disability from
RA affects everyone differently.
In my case things got bad
fast, but I was misdiagnosed
for years before my foot
doctor, yes, MY PODIATRIST,
figured it out! Talk about
a total fuck up! Yes,I was
pissed! See, the reason an
early diagnosis is important,
is because irreversible
damage it's being done to my
body the longer I'm without
treatment.The reason it was
missed is because I have what
is called seronegative RA.
Meaning certain indicators
in my blood don't show the
usual test results that shout
out you have RA.Many people
have the same thing happen
to them. The medication we
need is not given soon enough
to slow the progression of the
disease, so our own blood
cells eat away at us, destroying
us.Unfortunately, there is no
cure, only a delay with meds.
My job was very physically
demanding, but I loved it.
The more I pushed myself, the
worse the disease became, until
I couldn't take anymore.It was
quit working, or suicide.You
know what I chose.The pain
left me alone, crying in my
new rheumatologist's office
with swollen joints, and a
broken spirit. I was alone
when he told me the brutal
truth.He said I would never
be able to work again. Not
only that, but there was no
cure, and I would continue
to worsen, eventually I
would, quite possibly, be in
a wheelchair.Even with the
brutal honesty,I clung to the
hope that studies show
seronegative RA patients are
often less damaged than those
others, boy was I wrong.No
one knows why people are affected
differently, or why it strikes
at differing ages.Even the
Children are not spared.I
would not wish this on anyone!
My family varied in their
responses, many not understanding
the meaning of the diagnosis.
It affects the persons whole
body, but the medications to
slow the autoimmune disease
down, can be deadly.The doc
started out with low doses of
methotrexate, a proven old
med.He had to continue to
increase the dose to get the
swelling down combined with
joint injections, but my liver
couldn't take it, so we had to
lower the dose.This went on
for years with med adjustments.
If only I could take
Prednisone on a regular basis
I would be in better shape,
but it causes the bloodsugar
to go up dangerously high,
which is in itself a deadly
disease, incurable, damaging
organs on it's own rampage.
When things got so severe
I could hardly make it to
the bathroom,I would take a
tapering dose for a limited
time, it helped alot.During
these years I endured many
side effects,one of which was
more difficult than the others
was the fatigue due to the
diseases and meds.The horrid
pain came close to putting
the nail in my coffin, but the
fatigue isolated me from
everyone cementing the
emotional downfall.Please
don't feel sorry for me, this
is not why I'm doing this, it
is for emotional healing and
it is my hope, through my
self-imposed healing,I will
help someone else.I have
given so much info today I
think I will stop for now.But
I want to place a thank you
on the wind to whomever created
the microphone on the virtual
keyboard which combined with
the swipe technology in the
keyboard allows me to 'write'.

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